Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Miracles Happen Everyday.....Right?

Monday was a pretty uneventful day, we just sat around and DID NOTHING. We played a bit, mommy started the previous blog entry and OT came in. That was until Dr. Shiy came in and told us we were going to get an MRI the next day. He wanted one to see where we were at, I began freaking out OF COARSE, because well, that is just me. I can't help it, its in my blood, I get it from my father. So the rest of the day I began worrying about the next day's MRI. Ry is home still getting a couple of days of work in so I am by myself worrying like its going out of style. 

The evening got a little better, I ordered some pizza for myself and tried to relax a little. Julie was our nurse again, I absolutely LOVE her. She is great with Keegan and we have A LOT in common. She livened up the mood a little and we talked about different stuff, I am definitely a talker when I am nervous! When the sun began to set I did capture some really great pictures of Keegan.




Tuesday came, what turns out to be the 2nd worst day in my entire life.  He was NPO past 6 am so by the time the called him to come downstairs for his MRI he was starving at not happy. I signed my consent, kissed my baby and left him in doctors hands.  Two hours later he was brought back to me but screaming a scream that makes my blood boil. I knew he was in pain. I quickly asked for some pain meds, which or nurse got but then I saw the social worker.......

She came into the room and asked me to join her and our oncologist in the conference room ( I knew it wasn't good).  Sally a nurse from clinic joined us. I sat down (alone, Ry at that point is on his wait to Indy which is 3 hours from home) and everyone sat around me. I looked a Dr. Shiy and said it isn't good is it? and he said, no its not.

I couldn't believe the words that just came out of his mouth, we ALL thought the MRI would show progress, if not a ton, enough to show us we are moving in the right direction. The rest of the meeting is a blur of diagnostic talk, possible treatment options and me repeating "oh my god and Okay" multiple times.

Basically, and I was waiting until all close family was notified to share with my bloggy and interweb friends (not that you guys don't matter I just didn't want family to read this via the Internet).

These words are still hard for me to say out loud and bring tears to my eyes but here it goes ::Big Gulp::

KEEGAN'S TUMOR IS BACK; IT GREW THROUGH THE WORST POSSIBLE CHEMOTHERAPY TREATMENT OUT THERE FOR CHILDREN!

Omigosh, how could that be-I am sure that is what you are thinking, and honestly we are still trying to figure it out. No one knows. We have some options, not to cure him-because at this point that is not possible-but to prolong his life with quality time and love.  I am not going to elaborate on options, these are for Ry and I to mull through and decide, plus we are waiting to hear back from St. Jude's, Boston's and CHOP.

I am a loss for words, I feel like only a miracle can save our baby now. Yes we can try to prolong his life, should we I don't know, am I ready to give up HELL NO! So right now my motto is : Miracles happen everyday!




44 comments:

  1. Stay strong Keegan (Mommy + Daddy too)! I'm praying for you - and a miracle will happen - it will! Love, Hugs, & Prayers. Courtney.

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  2. like brittany said this morning.... god is STILL in the business of miracles.... keegan has top priority!!!.. great pictures.. i know these decisions are going to be the most difficult in your life..i am sure you will do what is good for all of you... am so proud of you and ry both.. thinking positive .. with all of my love.. mom

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  3. I still have no words. Just hugs & prayers. I promise to let you know next time something really ridiculous happens to me for a little comic relief... at the rate I'm going it will probably be before the end of the day.

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  4. Beth... keep the faith! Keegan has fought his way through many obstacles, this is just another obstacle! Stay strong... and know there are many of us out here praying for you and baby Keegan daily! Miracles happen all the time... don't give up...maybe this time it's Keegan turn for a miracle! We all know he deserves it!!
    Love you much!!!!
    Jen

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  5. Sending HUGS! Your family is in my thoughts & i believe in miracles!!!

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  6. I'm crying for your little one. I know my God is a God who is a healer. Praying for your little one to be healed.

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  7. In the last few days I have received so much bad news. A friend lost her pregnancy at 21 weeks, my grandpa has colon cancer, another friends little man spent the weekend in the hospital... Now this. My heart goes out to each and every one of you! All of the people in my life that are struggling...

    I know that miracles happen every day - and if anybody deserves one, it is little Kee! The prayer list is ever growing... But he is at the top of it my dear.

    Hugs to you! Be strong... As if you have a choice, right?

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  8. I am praying for you and your little boy. Miracles do happen so please keep believing in them.

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  9. Miracles DO happen! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your precious baby boy! Hang in there, I'm so sorry you all have to go through this. :(

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  10. My heart and prayers are with you all!

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  11. Sending you many, many thoughts and prayers that your little one is next on God's miracle list.

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  12. My heart breaks for you, your husband, family and of course for baby Keegan. I will continue to pray for you every. single. day. May God bring you a miracle, and may he fill these next days with love, no matter how many or few there may be. With parents like you and Ryan, I know that Keegans entire life will be filled with love.

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  13. Oh Beth. I am so sorry. I am praying for your family.

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  14. Aww love...not anything to say but I love you guys and don't even know you and that is an amazing thing. I worked pediatrics for a long time as well as hospice and I have seen your trials up close and my heart breaks for you but I have seen such triumph in the storm and such conquering love. I am awed at the human heart and the power of positive thought and prayer. I promise to carry you all in my thoughts and every time send out the power of love and prayer for a miracle.

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  15. I am so sorry to hear this terrible news! You have been so strong and positive all through this. Stay strong and positive for little Keegan. Miracles do happen everyday, and you deserve one! You, Ryan, and Keegan are in my thoughts and prayers! Stay Strong Beth!

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  16. I am so sorry to hear about your bad news. I will pray you get your own special miracle for Keegan.

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  17. Hugs to you Beth, I am so sorry. I am praying for a miracle, and keeping faith. I can't believe how much one sweet little baby that I've never even met, has affected my life, as well as so many others.

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  18. Mircacles absolutely do happen! Prayers and hugs!

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  19. I strongly suggest looking into the budwig diet, it's a natural approach and can't hurt to try since there are no chemicals
    i know a lot of people are entrenched in modern western medicine and scoff anything "new"
    i still think it's worth just reading about, if my son had cancer i would try this right away
    http://www.cancure.org/budwig_diet.htm

    I wish you the best of luck

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  20. I'm definitely praying a miracle does happen! Just remember that God has Keegan here for a special purpose. When he fulfills it and has nothing brighter to look forward to God will take him home. Of course we'll be praying God doesn't take Keegan home any time soon but stay focused on God... no matter what happens!!! Your little guy has touched so many people's hearts.

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  21. This took my breath away. I'm in tears for you and your family and hope that baby Keegan knows how much the world loves him. My prayers will be for him and you. Try everything and anything that you have the strength for. Just remember that HE is a miracle all in himself and you were given Keegan so that you could feel his love.... no matter how long. Blessings for all of you.
    -Holly

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  22. I'm so sorry for the bad news :( You guys are in my thoughts and prayers. Thinking MIRACLE, MIRACLE, MIRACLE really hard for you guys.

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  23. I am so sorry, I have no words for you, but just told my Dh through tears about your little man. I'm not religious, but if I was I would pray 24/7 for him. It's not fair, he did nothing to deserve this, and neither did your family. I hope another hospital comes through and something will fall into place to give him his miracle. I am so sorry.

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  24. I'm praying for you and your family. I just found your blog today and im awe of your upbeat attitude through it all. Miracles do happen, and I'll be praying that you find yours.

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  25. I dont know you personally but i went to school with mary ellen, but my prayers are with you guys. I am praying for your family everyday. I could not imagine what your going through but I do know one thing your lil man is a fighter and i pray to god he will be a survivor.

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  26. oh my dear - i am so terribly sorry for this awful news. i have nothing to offer except for my warmest thoughts & best wishes. i am hoping for comfort for your family at this unimaginably difficult time. i know i speak for so very many people in saying i was anxiously coming to your blog looking for happy progress on beautiful keegan's treatment. and despite this horrible news, i definitely, TRULY believe that miracles can and do happen. many hugs from my family to yours, and much, much love coming your way.

    xoxoxoxo!!!

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  27. Beth... I'm praying for you, Ryan, and Keegan. So sorry to hear this. Love and hugs...

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  28. No words can really describe this, but just know I'm sending you lots of love and prayers your way.

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  29. I believe in miracles and I will be praying for one for keegan. My heart hurts for you and I wish this could just go away .......Please let us know if there is anything we can do if you need to go to another hospital so we can get you there asap

    Sending our love heart hugs <3 <3 Ivy

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  30. Beth, Abby is proof that miracles happen every day. We sat at a table while the doctor's basically told us to take her off life support and LOOK AT HER NOW. I'll be praying for you all. If you decide to go to CHOP I'm only an hour away and we'll be there for you. Sending lots of love and hugs your way. I'm heartbroken at this news... but, as you said, MIRACLES HAPPEN EVERY DAY. Kisses to sweet Keegan!

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  31. Oh my heart breaks from reading this. Will continue to pray for a miracle, for God's guidance, and for you to feel peace from the The Great Comforter. Keegan has brought a huge community together to share in your journey. May you rest this evening knowing God is in control and loves baby Keegan.

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  32. I'm so, so sorry you were hit with such a bombshell. I can't fathom how devastating it must be...my heart hurts for you, and I wish I could find the right words to convey just how much a stranger cares about your family. But yes, miracles *DO* happen. That may not bring much comfort as you figure out the next steps in Keegan's battle, but I will pray for one, as well as continued strength and support for your family. I'm hoping the combination of prayers, wonderful medical care, Keegan's fighting spirit, and amazing parents bring it about.

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  33. I'm so sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts. There are really no other words.

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  34. Found your site through Raising Madison, and I just want to say that my heart is breaking for you - and that we are praying for you, your husband and for Keegan. Miracles DO happen everyday and we are going to storm the gates of heaven for your little one! God bless you and keep the faith.

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  35. I found your blog today through a link on another. I went back and read baby Kee's story from the beginning. He is such a beautiful little boy and is a blessing to all that have come to read his story. I will pray for his miracle and will pray for both of you as parents to have peace and wisdom as you make decisions for Kee's future.

    May it comfort you to know, others around the country will pray daily for your family.

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  36. Trust that all things are in Gods hands. I had to learn and are still learning alot of things through our tragedy. One of the hardest was to trust. God loves you and knows what is the best for all of you. I pray for a peace that will overcome you more than you could ever dream a peace ONLY God can give. Love you and continuing to pray!!!!!

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  37. Keegan is a gorgeous baby. I am praying for him and for God to give you and your husband the strength to get through this. I can't get over how beautiful he is. May God and the Angels bless you. Pray to his guardian angel. He/She sends the messages straight to God. I will pray too.

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  38. Your son Keegan is beautiful and brave. I am praying for him and your whole family - may God bless you and little Keegan. And may you and your husband have all the strength necessary to go through this as a family.

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  39. Oh Beth, I am so sorry to hear the news...my heart just breaks for you guys. Miracles do happen, and I will be praying even harder for Keegan. What a little fighter, I have to believe he will be given a chance.

    I can't imagine being in your shoes or having the discussions you and Ryan are having. I will be praying hard for you both as well, God will give you the strength to be that oak tree for your son.

    Much love and God bless,
    Paula

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  40. Like commentator Claire I strongly recommend to look into the Budwig diet. Your son Keegan is so beautiful and innocent. Of course nobody can promise anything - but I know that I would try anything to help him - I am sure you are the same. The point is that you have to stick to this diet strictly - no exceptions.

    http://www.budwigcenter.com

    http://holistic-nutrition.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_johanna_budwig_diet_and_cancer_protocol

    http://www.healingcancernaturally.com/budwig_protocol.html

    All the best. I keep thinking of you and your family.

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  41. Even though I am a stranger - I just happened to stumble over your site - I feel for you. Please stay strong, as parents, as a couple, as a family. Show your brave son how much you love him - if the worst is ever to happen - I think he should know what love is. The smiles of his mom and dad. How the air smells after a rain. How the sun shines and tickles the skin.
    Every evening I am praying for you - miracles happen. Christina

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  42. Beth-
    My heart sank when I read your post. I truly believe that God has a plan for each one of us. God has a plan for Keegan, whether it be here on Earth or in heaven. Just know that your amazing little boy has touched more lives in his short time on Earth than many do in a lifetime! Your blog is an inspiration. Keegan is in my daily prayers and I will pray that a miracle will come your way :) Stay strong...

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  43. Praying for you, Beth, and Ryan and Keegan, every day. I can't imagine how you guys are coping with all of this, at your young age. Know how much your little man has touched the lives of hundred of people, and know also how this blog has been your own kind of mission to people you won't even meet, but who have been influenced by the love you and Ryan have for each other, and the devotion as loving parents to Kee. Hoping and praying that you find peace in your hearts with the impossibly hard decisions in front of you. Much love to you and Ryan, and your beautiful boy.

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