Do I have smoke coming out of my ears?

Warning: This post is not a happy post, if you are looking for a pleasant puppy dogs and rainbows post please wait utnil tomorrow for Wordless Wednesday.

Now onto a very important topic that I am sure many of my readers will find intresting and very upsetting.
Backstory: My mother in law was fighting Breast Cancer back in '04, it was then that I turned to Susan G. Komen and their efforts to raise money to help my mother in law's case. I donated, walked, you name it I tried to do it in the name of Breast cancer and all the brave women fighting worldwide. With that said, it was brought to my attention by my friend over at The Sartins via The Layla Grace Foundation, some intresting information about The Susan G. Komen Foundation.

The article that Cassie shared, and thus has gone viral on facebook between a lot of my friends is this one.  It goes into great detail how the foundation (that is what we are going to refer to them as for the safe of typing it all out) has gone to extreme lengths to go after/sue small little mom and pop foundations that use "for the cure" in their title or activites.  According to this article on The Huffington Post dot com, the foundation has filed legal action against over a hundred  smaller entities that use the term in their heading, example: Kites for a Cure.  According to this article the foundation came after them hard and heavy. They were fortunate to have lawyers want to help with no charge and fought the foundation to win! (Good for them!!) However, they have to make sure that all there advertisement and such bears that it is for "lung cancer" so people don't think its associated with the foundation. Absolutely. Ridiculous! They can also never use the color pink in anything? But as someone quoted in the article adds, where is the line drawn, what if they use Carnation pink or Magenta for a specific purpose, will the war start all over?

Its also pointed out in the article that the money "the foundation" is using to pay for these big ticket lawyers is money that has been donated to the foundation for research purposes. Although they claim this is only a small percentage of the funds received, when I donate to a certain organization or cause I want to know that it is going for the better good, not to help destroy other charitable organizations.

I.am.livid! There is no other way to put it and I am not going stand for this. From now on, I am not going to particiate in any, I REPEAT any Foundation related events. I also vow to NOT purchase products that give percentages to The foundation i.e. yogurt, kotex and such. You should also be aware of this article. You be your own judge. But I am making a vow to myself and all the people fighting cancer worldwide, like Keegan, I WILL NO LONGER support The foundation, this is appaling and I am not going to stand for it!

The Oak Tree

So Ryan got a card from his co-ed recreational volleyball team on Tuesday before Ryan ever knew what was going on in a conference room on the 5th floor of Riley Hospital, this is what  the card said:

The Oak Tree

A Message of Encouragement

A mighty wind blew night and day.

It stole the oak tree's leaves away.

Then snapped it boughs and pulled its bar

Until the Oak was tired and stark.

But still the oak tree held its ground

While other trees fell all around.

The wear wind gave up and spoke,

"How can you still be standing, Oak?

The oak tree said, "I know that you

Can break every branch of mine in two,

Carry every leaf away,

Shake my limbs, and make me sway.

But I have roots stretched in the earth,

Growing stronger since my birth.

You'll never touch them, for you see,

They are the deepest part of me.

Until Today, I wasn't sure

Of just how much I could endure.

But now I've found with thanks to you,

I'm stronger than I ever knew.

Miracles Happen Everyday.....Right?

Monday was a pretty uneventful day, we just sat around and DID NOTHING. We played a bit, mommy started the previous blog entry and OT came in. That was until Dr. Shiy came in and told us we were going to get an MRI the next day. He wanted one to see where we were at, I began freaking out OF COARSE, because well, that is just me. I can't help it, its in my blood, I get it from my father. So the rest of the day I began worrying about the next day's MRI. Ry is home still getting a couple of days of work in so I am by myself worrying like its going out of style. 

The evening got a little better, I ordered some pizza for myself and tried to relax a little. Julie was our nurse again, I absolutely LOVE her. She is great with Keegan and we have A LOT in common. She livened up the mood a little and we talked about different stuff, I am definitely a talker when I am nervous! When the sun began to set I did capture some really great pictures of Keegan.

Tuesday came, what turns out to be the 2nd worst day in my entire life.  He was NPO past 6 am so by the time the called him to come downstairs for his MRI he was starving at not happy. I signed my consent, kissed my baby and left him in doctors hands.  Two hours later he was brought back to me but screaming a scream that makes my blood boil. I knew he was in pain. I quickly asked for some pain meds, which or nurse got but then I saw the social worker.......

She came into the room and asked me to join her and our oncologist in the conference room ( I knew it wasn't good).  Sally a nurse from clinic joined us. I sat down (alone, Ry at that point is on his wait to Indy which is 3 hours from home) and everyone sat around me. I looked a Dr. Shiy and said it isn't good is it? and he said, no its not.

I couldn't believe the words that just came out of his mouth, we ALL thought the MRI would show progress, if not a ton, enough to show us we are moving in the right direction. The rest of the meeting is a blur of diagnostic talk, possible treatment options and me repeating "oh my god and Okay" multiple times.

Basically, and I was waiting until all close family was notified to share with my bloggy and interweb friends (not that you guys don't matter I just didn't want family to read this via the Internet).

These words are still hard for me to say out loud and bring tears to my eyes but here it goes ::Big Gulp::

KEEGAN'S TUMOR IS BACK; IT GREW THROUGH THE WORST POSSIBLE CHEMOTHERAPY TREATMENT OUT THERE FOR CHILDREN!

Omigosh, how could that be-I am sure that is what you are thinking, and honestly we are still trying to figure it out. No one knows. We have some options, not to cure him-because at this point that is not possible-but to prolong his life with quality time and love.  I am not going to elaborate on options, these are for Ry and I to mull through and decide, plus we are waiting to hear back from St. Jude's, Boston's and CHOP.

I am a loss for words, I feel like only a miracle can save our baby now. Yes we can try to prolong his life, should we I don't know, am I ready to give up HELL NO! So right now my motto is : Miracles happen everyday!

Put your Mind to it, Go For it

Keegan started his physical therapy this past week! We are very excited! I got a call Monday morning at work from the PT that a friend suggested (thanks Leslie!)  saying that she would like to see Keegan for his first appointment that day. I knew I would be hearing from them soon, but wow, I was amazed they called already and wanted to get started right away. My sister happened to be taking care of him on Monday so she came over to the house. For about 45 minutes they worked on his neck and head. Keegan's neck muscles are more tight on one side than the other, I guess it's pretty common, the coordinators at First Steps reffered to it as Torticollis. His PT, did lots of exercises with his included laying him on his "bad" side (left) and putting toys or pretty objects on that side so he will turn his head that way. She also did an exercise where we roll him to his "bad" side; thus forcing him to turn his head in that direction and not just let it flop that way.

I started to do these exercises with him last night, they went relatively well. I put on a music video for 3 month olds to try to get him to turn his head toward that direction, although he didn't see too interested in the video, he cooperated for the exercises.

Tummy Time before he got frustrated

Riley called yesterday. I had asked them about Keegan's AFP level in relation to possible cancer in Ryan and I. Because of the Christmas holiday she was just able to get back to me with the good news being that we most likely have nothing to worry about. They do want him to have his blood drawn again to test for those markers. We are able to do that here at our local hospital instead of driving all the way to Indy. I will do that as soon as I can find time.

On another note-It is down right freakin cold here! I have NOT gone back to Massachusetts for a reason and this is #1-The FRIGID cold, #2 being the snow, which we are expect to get 2-4 inches of. Our houses here in Evansville just aren't made for this kind of cold and neither are the drivers in this city! I am NOT looking forward to the commute to work tomorrow morning, it should be interesting to say the least.

We are still working on the blog, I applogize for not having live links up at the top, Its a work in progress, I do it as I get spare time, which seems few and far between these days-but eventually it will all be fully functioning! Feel free to add our "Praying for Keegan" button to your blog! We love your support.

Until next time!

A Mother's Prayer

Tonight while Ry, Keegan and I begin to rest our heads to sleep, I will pray. I will pray very hard. I will pray with EVERY SINGLE ounce of my soul and this is what I will be praying.
Dear lord, heavenly father please watch over our little family tomorrow. Watch over Keegan as he is injected with chemicals to make the CT work. Watch over him as he gets put through a big scary machine. Watch over him as that machine scans him body for tumors. Dear lord watch over Ryan and I as our tiny baby is put through more tests than most people our age. Please help us to get through the test and subsequent hours of waiting to hear if our little boy has tumors in his small little body. Lord please let the doctors give us good news that there really are no tumors and his levels are just high for an unknown reason. I plead with you that you spare our baby of more tests, surgery, and cancer. I know what doesn't kill you makes you strong but lord he is only 2 and half months old! He has barely begun to live his life. He is such a precious baby that is loved by not just his mommy and daddy dearly but by aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and LOTS of friends near and far! Please listen to this prayer and others just like it for Baby Keegan tonight as we want the best possiable outcome from all of this. It is in your name that I pray.