Somedays.....

Somedays I think my life isn't so bad.
Somedays I think I can do this.
Somedays I think that having a specials needs child is not as hard as it may seem.
Somedays I think my son is "normal."

THEN

There are days I think my life is bad.
There are days I think I can't do this.
There are days I think that having a specials needs child is harder than I ever imagined.
There are days I know my son is not "normal."

Like...

Yesterday. It started like a normal day and ended up like anything but. It was valentines day-whoopie! I don't get into it personally but I won't get on that soap box right now. Kee and I were hanging out. I was communicating back and forth with my good friend Laura about our insurance coverages, raising some limits and what not. We had a decent morning. Kee played on the floor, we ate breakfast and he took a morning nap. Around 12:30, after Ry left to go back to work and my mom was getting ready to head back as well, that all changed.

Mom placed Keegan sitting next to me on the couch. I turned my back to respond to an email Laura had just written me and before I know it I turn to my right to watch in slow motion as Keegan's head comes in contact with the floor and his body flops over in a somersault type of way. He immediately started screaming and I rushed over to pick him up to console him.

I went and got mom who was out front and assessed him, he seemed to be okay. He happened to land on the shunt side of his head so of coarse that is what I worried about the most. A short time later our PT showed up, he cooperated with most of the activity once I got him calmed down with a bottle of juice.

It wasn't until after his afternoon nap that I noticed he seemed to be favoring his left arm/hand. He has always been more of a lefty so I just kept watching it. He showed no neurological impairment signs. So I didn't start thinking about it till around 5 pm when everyone was due to be home. I point this out to my mom, who is a nurse, and my husband. They thought it was just soreness from the fall. I convinced myself otherwise and decided I need to run.

I got on the treadmill and pounded out 2.55  miles and headed back upstairs. He was a little cranky but had just eaten. He is cutting his molars as well. He continued to favor his left arm/hand and when we put him down was still tender on the right side.

I had a hard time falling asleep. I worried that there was something more to what was going on but eventually drifted off to the sound of him snoring (he sleeps in our room in his crib).  Around 1:30 he woke up kinda whimpering. I gave him a bottle with Tylenol in it, he cried for a while after I picked him up because he was uncomfortable. I sang to him and kinda did a little neuro check of my own. I put him back in his crib and he fell asleep while I stayed up and worried. I counted down the hours till I could call his pediatricians office and see what they thought was best.

He woke up around 6 am this morning, whimpering in pain. I got him up and cuddled with him in the living room. He takes awhile to actually wake up. I noticed when I picked him up he was still tender and when I put him down on the couch he still favored his left hand.

At 8 am I called the pedi and talked with mary his nurse. She took the message and I think she thought along the same line as me, just kinda bruised and battered but would be okay. She passed the message along to Dr. C and returned my call around 9:30 and told me to just watch him. If he was still having pain in a day or two we could talk about x-rays but because he is on lock down from the transplant, they know I am hesitant to get him out in public.

I don't know if I would worry any less if he wasn't a special baby. I don't know if I would worry any less if someone reassured me its just bruising. I am a worry wart by nature but why does everything have to happen to his head!

In my heart I do think its just some major soreness going on but lord I would take it in a heart beat if he could just be normal again really soon, I hate it when he hurts!

Somedays I know are going to be easier than others, yesterday was not that day!