Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Somedays I think my life isn't so bad.
Somedays I think I can do this.
Somedays I think that having a specials needs child is not as hard as it may seem.
Somedays I think my son is "normal."


There are days I think my life is bad.
There are days I think I can't do this.
There are days I think that having a specials needs child is harder than I ever imagined.
There are days I know my son is not "normal."


Yesterday. It started like a normal day and ended up like anything but. It was valentines day-whoopie! I don't get into it personally but I won't get on that soap box right now. Kee and I were hanging out. I was communicating back and forth with my good friend Laura about our insurance coverages, raising some limits and what not. We had a decent morning. Kee played on the floor, we ate breakfast and he took a morning nap. Around 12:30, after Ry left to go back to work and my mom was getting ready to head back as well, that all changed.

Mom placed Keegan sitting next to me on the couch. I turned my back to respond to an email Laura had just written me and before I know it I turn to my right to watch in slow motion as Keegan's head comes in contact with the floor and his body flops over in a somersault type of way. He immediately started screaming and I rushed over to pick him up to console him.

I went and got mom who was out front and assessed him, he seemed to be okay. He happened to land on the shunt side of his head so of coarse that is what I worried about the most. A short time later our PT showed up, he cooperated with most of the activity once I got him calmed down with a bottle of juice.

It wasn't until after his afternoon nap that I noticed he seemed to be favoring his left arm/hand. He has always been more of a lefty so I just kept watching it. He showed no neurological impairment signs. So I didn't start thinking about it till around 5 pm when everyone was due to be home. I point this out to my mom, who is a nurse, and my husband. They thought it was just soreness from the fall. I convinced myself otherwise and decided I need to run.

I got on the treadmill and pounded out 2.55  miles and headed back upstairs. He was a little cranky but had just eaten. He is cutting his molars as well. He continued to favor his left arm/hand and when we put him down was still tender on the right side.

I had a hard time falling asleep. I worried that there was something more to what was going on but eventually drifted off to the sound of him snoring (he sleeps in our room in his crib).  Around 1:30 he woke up kinda whimpering. I gave him a bottle with Tylenol in it, he cried for a while after I picked him up because he was uncomfortable. I sang to him and kinda did a little neuro check of my own. I put him back in his crib and he fell asleep while I stayed up and worried. I counted down the hours till I could call his pediatricians office and see what they thought was best.

He woke up around 6 am this morning, whimpering in pain. I got him up and cuddled with him in the living room. He takes awhile to actually wake up. I noticed when I picked him up he was still tender and when I put him down on the couch he still favored his left hand.

At 8 am I called the pedi and talked with mary his nurse. She took the message and I think she thought along the same line as me, just kinda bruised and battered but would be okay. She passed the message along to Dr. C and returned my call around 9:30 and told me to just watch him. If he was still having pain in a day or two we could talk about x-rays but because he is on lock down from the transplant, they know I am hesitant to get him out in public.

I don't know if I would worry any less if he wasn't a special baby. I don't know if I would worry any less if someone reassured me its just bruising. I am a worry wart by nature but why does everything have to happen to his head!

In my heart I do think its just some major soreness going on but lord I would take it in a heart beat if he could just be normal again really soon, I hate it when he hurts!

Somedays I know are going to be easier than others, yesterday was not that day!


  1. Oh, Beth, I'm sorry. I know how it feel when you have a special needs kiddo and something that most parents would brush aside becomes a major worry. When Abby gets a fever I think the worst-- it's so very scary! Suddenly (in my mind) the fever becomes an ear infection, a UTI, the flu... all of which would mean a week of no eating and incessant puking from Abby. I'm hoping it's just a bruise but can sympathize with your worry about it. Usually the actual diagnosis is nothing compared to what I'm imagined could be wrong...

    By the way, Ben fell off the couch the other day. Landed on his face-- thump. I know it's not the same, but I wanted to let you know it happens to the best of us. ;-)

  2. Beth you are a fantastic mom! Keegan was given to you as a very special gift probably because God knew that you would care for him the best. Things happen and it can be oh so hard sometimes. It is not easy on you and can really try the patience, emotions and feelings.
    I am praying for Keegan that all is fine. Hang in there Beth you are doing a fantastic job!!


  3. You would worry regardless! All mothers do. I obsess over my children all the time and I can't tell you how many times accidents have happened that were my fault!

    You are doing awesome! You are an amazing mom. Tomorrow is a new day!

  4. Lena is not a special needs child, but I worry over EVERYTHIING! I was at my parents house last weekend, enjoying a bath, when I heard a huge bang followed by a scream and cry! I jumped out to find that Lena had been trying to walk and fell and hit her head, hard, on their coffee table!! I watched her the rest of the night, terrified she had internal bleeding, or a cuncussion (sp)!! It's just what mommies do!! Just means that you care and are one heck of a mommy!!

  5. Beth, you have inspired me since the moment I first found your page and read the story about your handsome little boy. You are wonderful and don't ever doubt yourself. Welcome tomorrow with open arms :)



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