Thursday, November 3, 2011

Some Thoughts

I have had an Epiphany. It has happened in the last 24 hours, kid you not. I can understand part of the reason I worry so much. I know I have lots of reasons to worry and stress but the truth is I myself am a control freak and a planner.

The situation we are faced with is completely out of my control; obviously, and that is some of my problem. I can't control the when's and how's. I can control certain things like pain level and comfort. In a way that does help. I have a little power in a very unstable situation.

The planner part of me is trying to think of plan for his life celebration. While I am putting off the actual funeral home arrangements, I have ideas in my mind of how I/we should celebrate Keegan's two years of life and that gives me a bit of comfort and control.

There is one family in particular, whom we weren't terribly close at all during our children's stays at Riley but through email correspondence and most likely future phone calls, they have given me more courage to face the unthinkable and I am so thankful to have them in my life. They let me know they are there to talk, cry and vent. They lost their precious son less than a year ago so they relate and its still right there fresh in their minds which I feel has helped me bond to them.

I am so appreciative of all the emails and messages sent to us. They help lift my spirits that we are not in this alone, keep 'em comin :) I value each and everyone of my followers-new and old. You are walking with us and helping us feel less alone and more a part of a very special Team who cares for a very special Angel that I have had the honor to be his mom.

**Also a quick thank you to those who have contributed to Keegans Final Expense fund-Thank you Thank You Thank You!


  1. Hi Beth,
    Wow! This is so cool this epiphany. Control, a hard thing to let go of. Hon, we all struggle with this; a life lesson for sure. It is never easy to let go. I lost my mom and then 12 years later my dad and it just plain ol hurts. Yes they had a good long life, but still I didn't want to let go ever. Who now is my mom and dad? No one, I am a orphan. The one thing that consoles me is I will see them again, one day. Death is never easy but it is just another step in life.

    I am continuing to pray for 100% health for Keegan, heaven here on earth!

    Praying and praying,

  2. I am still praying for Keegan, we want a miracle, but if a miracle is not to be, then we pray for peace for you all, and will try to help as Much as we can <3 We love Keegan!

  3. Just made a little donation for Keegan. I am praying that these funds get used for happier moments though. Still praying for a miracle for that sweet boy. Love the new banner with his adorable face and those blue blue eyes!

  4. Thinking about you all and wondering how on earth you stay so strong. Keep fighting! I'm so glad you know parents who have gone through this very thing and can be a source of support for you guys. That must help out a ton. Again, I wish I could do more but just know that you have my love and support and that you guys are in my thoughts. Hugs!

  5. Beth, I pray for you every night. I can't imagine what you and Ryan are going through. We all have to deal with the consequences of being imperfect but some people definitely suffer worse than others. I hope you can enjoy your trip to Disney World and cherish every moment with him.

  6. Hello,

    First, let me say, I too am a believer. Miracles do and can happen. But sometimes, what we think is an unanswered prayer, is sometimes what is best. Although we may never know why. Last month was 5 years since we had to services for our baby girl. She was only 12 weeks, she was born brain dead. A perfectly wonderful pregnancy, turned horrible during delivery and left her with no oxygen for an extended period of time. Our world was over, so we thought. How could we go on, we thought. Our lives were devastated. She lived lifeless for 12 weeks before our God took her home. He had better plans for her. We have a hard time understanding why. But He does. And our family lives are good. We have a teenager daughter, and we have since had a little boy. Our lives are happy, but a day does not go without us thinking about our precious Angel in Heaven. We know we will meet again.

    So I am saying all that to say this, you will be happy again. Your precious little baby will be made whole some how. The answer of how you don't yet know. But your family will make it through. These times can make your family bond stronger than you ever knew was possible. It is not easy, but you will make it through.

    As a mother my heart breaks for you. I will pray for your family, may God make you strong.


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