Making Sense.....

I am trying to make sense of why life is the way it is. Why we, Ry & I, have been given this beautiful, smart, adorable little boy to love and care for only to have cancer invade his little body and ultimately will take him away long before his "time."

I should be writing a post to all my beloved followers out there about our Wish Trip and how wonderful it was. Or I could be writing a post about the wonderful holiday weekend that just passed having enjoyed it with family near and far. But instead tonight I am trying to make sense of why a mother (me) and a father (Ryan) went a funeral home to pre-plan the arrangements for their son's funeral.

It just doesn't make sense to me. Why? Why? Why? Why my child and not yours? Why my child and not the 90 year old grandmother of 5 with great grandchildren and great great grandchildren. The only thing that I can think of is, God needs him. He lent him to us for his short time here on earth to love with all our might but his ultimate purpose is far greater than we ever expected or dreamed-what proud parents we should be right?

I guess I am just selfish, I don't want that for him, I want him to live a long life here on this earth with his family-future brothers and sisters, grandparents and cousins. I want to see him grow up, go to school plays, graduate high school, head to college and do stupid stuff only to be told by me "I told you so". I want to watch him bring girls home for the holidays where we make them sleep in separate bedrooms (because that is what parents do) and I want to see him at the end of the aisle his beautiful bride walking toward him with a small tear in his eye. But we won't get that.

Instead we get a viewing we have purposely planned to be child like and bright and cheery equipped with balloons and bright flowers. Not depressing and funerlesk.We picked out the coffin because they don't "rent" children's caskets out due to lack of need. We decided on an amount of money for the flowers. We tentatively wrote his obituary and planned visiting times. We picked out the Urn that his cremains we be put in and picked out a nice saying to be engraved on it along with his name, date of birth and date of death. We shouldn't be having to do this, not now, not ever. It just doesn't make sense.

This is what we get though. These are the cards we are dealt and right now I am having a hard time with this. I am having a hard time knowing what is ultimately going to happen and having absolutely no control over it what-so-ever.

Tonight was hard, it didn't make sense and I am not sure it ever will. But it did give us a sense of peace a sense of control in an uncontrollable situation. The one thing I will strive for is to give his young life justice and show what a cool kid he is because really...this doesn't make sense.

Last Call

One week left in the Pampered Chef Party.

 Below is the link to the online party. Feel free to peruse the site. If you can buy something great if not that is fine too :) Thanks so much for all the support. Christmas Shopping maybe? We get a portion of the proceeds to go toward Keegan's final expenses.

Pampered Chef Party is HERE!

Stationery card

Snowy Window Christmas Card

Turn your favorite photos into personalized Christmas cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

I was a busy girl today, I tried and tried and tried a million different
cards and a million different sites. I finally decided on this one!
What do you think?

Welp, we are off!

In less than 24 hours Ry, Keegan and I will be headed north to Indianapolis. Kee has an appointment at Riley tomorrow afternoon with his oncologist to check counts and those sort of things.

On Friday 11-11-11 at 11 am Ry, Keegan and I will be boarding an airplane in Indy headed to Orlando. Keegan got his wish granted by Indiana Children's Wish Fund . We will be staying at Give Kids the World, which from what I heard is amazing in itself.

We will be visiting the Magic Kingdom, Epcot, The Animal Kingdom, Universal and Seaworld. This is all dependent on Keegan and what he can tolerate. Give Kids the World also has a mirage of activities and parties throughout the week.

We are excited! Obviously Keegan doesn't know what is coming but we are so very excited for this time and this trip to make memories to last a lifetime! I look forward to seeing how he reacts to the characters and everything that is Disney!

So look forward to a post is a little over a week about our travels and memories!
Until then,
Peace*Love*Mickey

Raffle over on the FB

Soooooo a raffle starts tomorrow over on the Karing for Keegan Fundraiser page on facebook. You have to "like" the page first and then you can view the raffle folder. Which includes donations such as Mary Kay gift certificate, cloth diapers, and Amazon gift cards.

Raffle Instructions (PLEASE READ FIRST)

In order to enter to win any of the prizes in this album, you must first pay $5 via paypal to: crystalbiehl@ballstate.bsu.edu -- Please mark it as a gift.

Just a note--all items are valued at $20 or greater.

If you do not have a paypal account, you can send cash or check to me. If this is the case, please send me an email at karingforkeegan@hotmail.com to let me know.

Now, what does that $5 allow you to do?

It allows you to enter to win any of the prizes in this album. So, if you like everything, you can enter to win everything! You do NOT have to pay $5 for each item you want to win.

How do you enter to win?

On November 9, you will find a link under each picture that says "Enter Here". You simply click on the link, fill out the information, submit and you are entered! You will do this for each item you want to win.

Can you get extra entries?

Yes. Each additional $5 that you donate allows you to enter to win again. So, if you donate $10, you can fill out all the entry forms twice. If you donate $15, you can fill out all the entry forms 3 times, etc.

How long will the raffle last?

The raffle will go until midnight, EST (Easter Standard Time) on November 16.

How are winners drawn?

I will use random.org to pick a winner for each item. (The entry forms you fill out are linked to spreadsheets that will keep track of how many people have entered, etc.)

How will you know if you won?

I will email you from the karingforkeegan hotmail account as well as post it under each item.

Can you win more than one item?

Yes! It is just luck of the draw.

Where is the money going?

100% of the money is going to Beth, Ryan and Keegan Chupp

Head on over and check it out, you might be able to bid and win something for someone for Christmas!

Humbled & Thankful

We love our church. We love our pastor and all the people we consider our church family. They are amazing and talented people that I respect more than you will ever know. We had just entered the
""sanctuary" (not sure if that is what we call it since our church is set up a little different than most but anyway) when I saw Pastor Bret out of the corner of my eye, he was up toward the front. We were mingling with friends when he asked if we were coming or going. I replied coming. He simply said "hold on" and ran back toward the kids area.

He emerged a few minutes later with an envelope that ready Ryan & Beth Chupp. When I said thank you he explained that it was not from me but from someone who wanted to remain anonymous. While we were waiting for the band to start playing I opened the envelope up. It has  a note and this is what it read:

"All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling

their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need."

Acts 2:44-45 NIV

Ryan and Beth,

Our hearts break for you as you face this challenging time. Take comfort in knowing that you are surrounded by people who love you and who want to share God's love with you.

Please accept this gift to assist with medical bills and other expenses. This gift is born our of compassion and a desire to share God's love. it is not intended to minimize the deep emotions of the situation, but rather to express love and offer support.

Please know that God uses all outcomes for an ultimate good. Your story, Keegan's story, and the way that you have lived your lives throughout all the trials has been a testimony to your faith in god and your love for Keegan.

In His Love.

Along with this wonderful letter that I am keeping in a safe place, there was a cashier's check. I am so thankful, as well as Ryan is, that we have people in our lives (whomever you maybe) that care about us and our family at this trying time. I know most if not all the people that follow this blog do. But when you are handed something like this at church unexpectedly  you are both humbled and in awe of Gods work at your time of need.

So thank you to the anonymous donor/donors! Not only are we thankful for the monetary donation for but for the kind words of support and love from fellow One Lifers!

With All our Love,

Beth, Ryan & Baby Kee

Some Thoughts

I have had an Epiphany. It has happened in the last 24 hours, kid you not. I can understand part of the reason I worry so much. I know I have lots of reasons to worry and stress but the truth is I myself am a control freak and a planner.

The situation we are faced with is completely out of my control; obviously, and that is some of my problem. I can't control the when's and how's. I can control certain things like pain level and comfort. In a way that does help. I have a little power in a very unstable situation.

The planner part of me is trying to think of plan for his life celebration. While I am putting off the actual funeral home arrangements, I have ideas in my mind of how I/we should celebrate Keegan's two years of life and that gives me a bit of comfort and control.

There is one family in particular, whom we weren't terribly close at all during our children's stays at Riley but through email correspondence and most likely future phone calls, they have given me more courage to face the unthinkable and I am so thankful to have them in my life. They let me know they are there to talk, cry and vent. They lost their precious son less than a year ago so they relate and its still right there fresh in their minds which I feel has helped me bond to them.

I am so appreciative of all the emails and messages sent to us. They help lift my spirits that we are not in this alone, keep 'em comin :) I value each and everyone of my followers-new and old. You are walking with us and helping us feel less alone and more a part of a very special Team who cares for a very special Angel that I have had the honor to be his mom.

**Also a quick thank you to those who have contributed to Keegans Final Expense fund-Thank you Thank You Thank You!