Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I'm in a Funk

I don't know what it is............is it the winter? is it being stuck in the house all day everyday? is it not having many adult conversations in a day? is it waiting and waiting for our next MRI to see what Keegan's brain and spine look like? is it feeling like I work 24/7 with no break? I have no clue what it is but I.AM.IN.A.FUNK!

I had been doing great, I looked forward to each new day and getting out of bed with my little booger. But in the last 24 hours things have changed and I am not sure why. I had a semi-panic attack when I noticed Keegan holding his head to the right. We have struggled with torticolis in the past and he definitely favors that side but my mind goes right.to.the.worst.thing.possible, everysingletime! I wrote an email to our nurse practitioner and she thought it was important enough to bring up to our oncologist. So then the oncologist calls me. It must be a big deal if he is just calling me and not jotting out a brief email. I go over the symptoms and signs with him, he doesn't seem to think its a big deal so I breathe a sigh of relief. But the depressed/worried attitude didn't stop there.

I went out to dinner with my girlfriends at Olive Garden, I had a glass of wine and relaxed. But then as all my friends were talking about their "normal" kids I got more depressed. They were talking about potty training and when and if to spank. I only pray I have to worry about these things and when I start to think about it, it really gets me upset. If only that was my only thing to worry about.

I had plans of stopping by Babies 'R Us and returning something and then stopping by Kohl's to get some K cups for my Keureg but I just didn't have it in me. I should have, in hindsight, I should have just gone out for about an hour after dinner, had time to myself and headed home. But I wanted to get home to my little boy and see if he was still holding his head funny. So that is right where I went. I walked in the door and he just beamed up at me, I have to admit it felt really good.

I took a Kolonopin before bed, crawled in and read some of a wonderful book I recommend to all my mommy and mommy to be friends; its called Exploiting My Baby: Because its Exploiting Me . I chuckled a little to myself as I read over some of the final chapters and went off to night night land. 

I woke up today feeling refreshed and ready to go, minus the fact that Kee was up at 12:30 and 4. We played most of the morning and while I never got out of my jammies, never did my hair or took a shower I felt okay. Later in the afternoon I began to get in the funk again. Keegan got crabby (whether it be because of his teeth or tiredness it's hard to tell anymore). I laid him down for a nap around 4, well he didn't want a nap, only problem was I needed one. I was cramping like a sonofabitch and needed to relax. After 5 minutes of incessant screaming I picked him up and brought him back to the living room.

All day we had planned on having omelets for dinner with leftover ham. Well once hubby and mom got home my attitude went from BAD to WORSE. I no longer wanted omelets and I had NO clue what I wanted, I was hungry, in a bad mood and didn't really want to deal with it. Then, the plans I thought Ry and I had to get out of the house for a bit were smashed all to hell when he decided I was crazy for wanting to go to this particular store. So then Mom and I were going to run to Target but that quickly went a bust when I could really rationalize wanting to go for some coffee creamer........So here I am, in a funk on Tuesday night at 8:02 pm. To top it off the State of the union address is on which means TV is sucking tonight.......

I think I just need to sleep for like 5 days straight...that will get me out of my funk right?


  1. Beth, I think its the weather, the lack of adult conversations and just being plain tired as a mama! I stayed home with Jack last winter (took a leave from work b/c of his therapies/appts/etc) and I definitely fell into a funk - I was so happy to be home with my son everyday but it created a lot of time to just focus on his issues and appointments and maybe read too much into every.little.thing he did/didn't do (I tend to see him do odd things and think of the worst too).

    I hope you'll get that date night soon and then maybe over the weekend you can sleep in/nap and start off the next week on the right foot :) I hope the sun comes out and you and Kee have a better day!

  2. It's called a post Christmas depression! Every year, about this time, my husband and I ALWAYS fall into a semi-depressing sort of mood! The sun is hardly out, and when it is, it's too cold to even want to get out of bed. All the "excitement" and fun events have died off and you find yourself feeling lonely and cut off. It's just a boo time of year! Don't feel at all alone in it! The best thing to do is to just get up and get out, as often as you can! (take vitamin D and or Fish Oils) both are proven to help improve moods!! Sorry you are in a funk...I'm totally there with you though! The morning sickness isn't helping this end of things at all and makes just getting up seem impossible!! Praying it passes soon and you feel more "normal"!!!


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