A mere month ago today, Keegan's temperature was rising as I was trying to battle it with Tylenol. He was dieing before our eyes and we were in shock of what was unfolding.
As I am maneuvered through the last month of my life I have felt like I am in the shade of the mountain sometimes stumbling into the valley. The valley can be a very ugly ugly place and the smallest of things can make me stumble back. But then I can luckily pull my proverbial boot straps back up, with my wonderful husband and family's help, and go on for another hour or day. I know; I know, it's only been a month and I should expect this and people wouldn't be surprised if I was worse. Worse seems to be a place a lot of people in my situation tend to reside.
I strive to be better than worse not just for myself or Ryan but for Keegan. I know how cliche' that sounds, makes me kinda want to gag, but honestly I strive for better because of how Keegan showed me how to live my life. Even though he was always in pain, always a little "off", and unable to experience things like running and standing he still had a smile on his face because that is all he knew. So I go on, I put a smile on my face because that is all I know how to do to honor my son. He may have only grown to be 2 years old but he has taught me more about life and how to live than I EVER thought imaginable.
A week ago at 5:45am tomorrow Keegan went to heaven. He left his human body behind. He left a body that always failed him and that never gave him a break. A week ago part of my heart left.