It's Been Awhile

Man, I've been gone from the blogging world for 4-5 months. It feels like forever. Lots of stuff has happened and is happening around The Chupp house. While I want to go into all that, this post is gonna be short and sweet.

I wanted to take a minute today and recognize the fact that Keegan would have been 3 1/2 years old today! I can hardly believe it. The 23rd of the month is a very important day in our lives as our that is the day our light, our purpose, our reason for being "parents" was brought into this world. To celebrate this day brings both happiness and sadness as you can imagine. But in this world of grief it is possible for tears and smiles to coexist in a beautiful way.

I laugh at the memories of the 2 birthdays we did get to spend and I cry for the birthdays he will never get a chance to enjoy.

He liked cake (if you couldn't tell), so maybe in his honor I will go get some cupcakes and have one for him. Its the least I can do on this very important milestone. I miss you baby, not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wish with all my might that I am just living a bad dream and will wake up any minute. 

Please Join Us

I have been absent and I apologize.

As of 5:45 am tomorrow morning (CST) my love will have been gone ONE FULL YEAR.

365 days it has been since I saw his smile, heard him giggle, or changed a diaper.

Please join us in lighting a candle in his memory tomorrow 12/6/12.

If you think about it and get a chance I would love to see them. Photos can be shared over on Candles for Keegan or Karing for Keegan.

Hopefully I will be back soon, I have had posts a brewing but no energy to write.

It Hurts

Theses last couple days it has been mounting. Im not sure why or if  it's just gonna be like this through the holidays but it hurts. I miss him so much it literally hurts. I can barely type this because I am crying so much. Its been over 11 months since I saw him smile, changed his diaper or got a love tap on my shoulder. I miss you baby more than I can even adequately describe in words.

I love you baby, mommy miss you so much.

Hiatus

While writing has always been cathartic for me, I am finding myself at a loss of words these days. I think I will continue this break for a little while longer. I just can't seem to get up the energy to hammer out a post. The thoughts are there, I just am having trouble getting them to blogger.
I shall return, pink promise!

To My Love

Keegs,

Today marks 10 months since you have been gone, how strange it feels to put those thoughts into words. I never imagined that this same day 3 years ago when we brought you home from the NICU that it would be such an important day, the 6th of the month.

That day, that perfect fall day, 3 years ago, was full of so much hope. You looked so itty bitty in your car seat as mommy and daddy loaded you into the car. You didn't make a peep just looked all around exploring this big world. To be honest daddy and I were scared. For the first two weeks of your life you were monitored VERY closely and now we were on our own! It was so excited that we didn't have to make any more trips to the women's hospital to see OUR Keegan. You were home safely with us where you should have been. Oh, how I would have loved to know what was running through your mind that day, I am sure you were awe. Oh such a day of hope, love and complete bliss. Our little family was whole once we brought you home.

This same day marks 10 months since you left daddy and I's arms and went to heaven. Some days its feels like FOREVER. Those days I find myself forgetting your smile, your laugh and the tilt of your little head but all I have to do is look at pictures, which thank goodness daddy and I took A LOT of because it does come flooding right back. I feel lucky in that sense because I was with you everyday and we had the chance to make lots of memories

I miss you especially bad right now because fall is one of my favorite times of the year and that is where our memories began. Your first halloween you were just a month old but I dressed you up anyway, I just couldnt resist since technically you weren't even suppose to be here yet. Last year we took you to the pumpkin patch   and had such a good time.

I wish more than anything on this earth that you were here my love. Tears fall as try to envision the rest of my life without you. My baby, my fighter, my Keegan. It seems impossible, it really does. I hope that you can still feel my love for you from heaven. I continue to love you despite the distance because you are the reason I became a mommy.

10 months. I just can't seem to wrap my head around that right now. In just 2 short months you will have been gone a full year and I just cant believe it. No parent should have to loose there child and no child should  not get a chance to be a child.

I miss you Kee. I don't care how often I was up every night. I dont care how many loads of laundry I had to do because you pooped, puked or leaked on your outfit and I dont care how little we got "date nights". I would trade it all in just to have you in my arms again. The morning you took your last breath is the morning a part of me went away that will never EVER be the same.

I hope you are having a blast in heaven. I hope you have found friends like Bree and Wesley and that Granny and Hudsin are there along with Grandpa Polly and Papa until daddy and I are reunited with you again. Mommy loves you baby and I know Daddy does too.

Such a weird day full of smiles for the good times and tears for the good times we will never get.
I love you!
Mommy

Something for You and Something for The Kids!

Who doesn't love scentsy? I mean come on, isn't it one of the greatest inventions since sliced bread? Okay well, maybe not one of the greatest but it's pretty high up on my list. I can have my burners going with no fear of a curtain blowing into an open flame or one of the kids I babysit playing with fire. I pretty much love it guys, really, truly and honestly. Now, here is where I am asking for your help.

A friend of mine, Scentsy consultant Ashley O'Connor wanted to something in Keegan's honor. She wrote me a little note on facebook at the beginning of the week saying she wanted to donate 100% of her commission in the month of October to whatever charity I chose in Keegan's honor. Well, its hard to choose just one. I have a list of about 4 that I love beyond measure and will try to raise money in a heartbeat for. So I gave her the name of all four.....Peach's Neet Feet, CureSearch, St. Baldricks, and Give Kids the World. I told her to choose one and that I would be ecstatic with any choice. After all this is in my sweet boys name to a charity whom I love.

She chose Give Kids the World. This place, as you are well aware, hold special place in my heart. Almost a year ago (11/11/11) we traveled to Kissimee FL for our wish trip and stayed at Give Kids the World. Its a magical place filled with hope, laughter and smiles. For one week we were able to cast our fears aside and just enjoy being together as our little family. No needle pricks or appointments, no chemo or therapy. Just our family together enjoying memories that will last a lifetime. To see more on Give Kids the World I encourage you to check out www.givekidstheworld.org

So this is where you come in. I know most of us have our "scentsy lady", but would you please consider just this one, placing and order with Ashley so that more families like mine can make wonderful memories in one of the most magical places on earth? I myself started with one order on Tuesday...just some smaller stuff....but it was a start to my holiday shopping. It was stocking stuffers and such. So even if you don't buy for yourself, consider starting your Christmas shopping with Ashley because really, its a win win! You get something and the kids at give kids the world gain as well!

Ashley's Scentsy Page

Just click on Give Kids the World-Team Keegan! to enter the party!

Hey There!

HEY all! I have a couple of posts brewing in my lil head but havent had the time to sit down and write. I will though. Ill sit down with a nice cup of apple cider one night this week and hammer it all out. PROMISE!